Posted by: eaubeauhorn | April 4, 2013

Harbinger Halts

I have a big fat problem.

At 5 a.m. this morning when I woke up and was in my usual early-morning motor-mind state in bed, I realized I do not want to build the house. That is a large part of why I’m balking (the problems with the builder are making me balk also, but the biggie is that I just don’t want to build the house.)

I’ve had this in the past, these come-to-a-halt balks. They are harbingers, really, of the future that is yet to unfold but which is sending echoes at me. The most prominent of these in memory was back when I was still free-lancing and giving music lessons; I had set up yet another potential duo to make money, was headed to the guy’s house to start seeing what we could put together, and the car just came to a halt at the side of the road. I sat there a while, turned around, went home, called the guy and apologized. That was my first clue that in the future I was going to go back to school and not be a professional musician any more. Harbinger.

Another time the car wouldn’t go where I aimed it….was after I had gotten Pepper as a tiny kitten from the Humane Society, brought her home, and Miss Kitty had a real live hissy fit that just didn’t quit. After a couple of days I loaded Pepper in the car to take her back, and the car simply would not go to the Humane Society. Once again, I turned around and went back home, and Pepper became my source of comfort for a very long time.

And so I find myself coming to a dead halt yet again, but have no idea what it is a harbinger of. Change, no doubt, but I have no idea what change.


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